Creative Mischief and Musings

When does letting it go, actually get in our way?

When does letting it go, actually get in our way?

Elsa sings about it. Master Yoda instructs Luke to practice it. Don Miguel Ruiz tells us there are five levels of it. But there’s a flip side to all that letting go. There are times that no matter what challenges we face, no matter what tragedy falls on our plate, we must defy the laws of gravity and hang on to what matters most.

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When we let go of self-directed purpose, we fall from grace.

When we let go of self-respect, we fall apart at the seams.

When we let go of self-restraint, we fall off the wagon.

When we let go of self-esteem, we fall short of expectation.

When we let go of self-worth, we fall behind.

When we let go of self-actualization, we fall back in the ranks.

When we let go of self-will, we fall by the wayside.

When we let go of self-assuredness, we fall down on the job.

When we let go of self-control, we fall asleep at the wheel.

When we let go of self-discipline, we often fall over backwards.

When we let go of self-defense, we fall into a trap.

When we let go of self-control, we fall on deaf ears.

When we let go of self-love, we fall head first into fear.

When we let go of self-awareness, we fall flat on our face.

but when we let go of self-doubt, everything falls into place.

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So how about you?

What do you hold onto as part of your beautiful and unique self?

Wounded – A poem

Wounded – A poem

In 2011 writing a memoir was the furthest thing from my mind. But nearly every evening while I laid in bed, kids at my side and husband sleeping down the hall, words, phrases, full poems just poured out of me. It felt as if an invisible force danced my fingers across the keyboard like miniature puppets. I didn’t know what to do with my writings at the time. I just gave it the space to be heard, then stored each one away.

Most of these poems are dark, sad, even overwhelming. They are also an accurate reflection of my state of mind as I faced divorce, dissolving assets and a disintegrating passion. Much time has passed and many events have transformed my life since these grey days and today I hold this work like a mother would her crying baby – gently, quietly, unconditionally.

By far, the hardest question I was ever asked is “What do you want?” I sat in a room with over twenty highly creative artists, educators, coaches and musicians as we  asked each other this one question over and over for twenty minutes. What I wanted most was for everyone to stop asking me. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the wound the question opened up to be healed.Later that evening this poem was born…

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WOUNDED

There is no pain that compares to this,
this lack of want.
 
This undirected path that carves a lonely road.
This uncontrollable fire that chases an infinite void.
This unresolved force that spins a feral tornado.
This lack of want stings at my flesh.
 
This undefined desire that screams to the deaf.
This unfocused attention that shrieks to the mute.
This unyielding ache that haunts every dream.
This lack of want singes at my heart.
 
This unrelenting hunger that starves the sullen spirit
This unfiltered lust that blinds the lighter way.
This unfaltering feast that gnaws at the empty stomach
This lack of want bleeds at my soul.
 
There is no pain that compares to this,
this lack of want.

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So here’s a question for you dear reader…
What do you want?
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What do you want right now?
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Okay, now what do you want?

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And after all that, what do you really want?
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© 2011 Cheryl Savala