Wounded – A poem

Wounded – A poem

In 2011 writing a memoir was the furthest thing from my mind. But nearly every evening while I laid in bed, kids at my side and husband sleeping down the hall, words, phrases, full poems just poured out of me. It felt as if an invisible force danced my fingers across the keyboard like miniature puppets. I didn’t know what to do with my writings at the time. I just gave it the space to be heard, then stored each one away.

Most of these poems are dark, sad, even overwhelming. They are also an accurate reflection of my state of mind as I faced divorce, dissolving assets and a disintegrating passion. Much time has passed and many events have transformed my life since these grey days and today I hold this work like a mother would her crying baby – gently, quietly, unconditionally.

By far, the hardest question I was ever asked is “What do you want?” I sat in a room with over twenty highly creative artists, educators, coaches and musicians as we  asked each other this one question over and over for twenty minutes. What I wanted most was for everyone to stop asking me. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the wound the question opened up to be healed.Later that evening this poem was born…

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WOUNDED

There is no pain that compares to this,
this lack of want.
 
This undirected path that carves a lonely road.
This uncontrollable fire that chases an infinite void.
This unresolved force that spins a feral tornado.
This lack of want stings at my flesh.
 
This undefined desire that screams to the deaf.
This unfocused attention that shrieks to the mute.
This unyielding ache that haunts every dream.
This lack of want singes at my heart.
 
This unrelenting hunger that starves the sullen spirit
This unfiltered lust that blinds the lighter way.
This unfaltering feast that gnaws at the empty stomach
This lack of want bleeds at my soul.
 
There is no pain that compares to this,
this lack of want.

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So here’s a question for you dear reader…
What do you want?
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What do you want right now?
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Okay, now what do you want?

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And after all that, what do you really want?
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© 2011 Cheryl Savala

7 Comments

  1. Family love career happiness

    • Ahhhh…so true, so true!! Love having you here Jeri!

  2. I want a healthy, beautiful love relationship filled with passion, honesty and real desire….. for each of us to grow together as well as hold our individual spaces so that we will be free yet SO together…never wondering ….if this or ….if that…
    it just IS beautiful and fabulous and true…
    Right now I want all of this weight that I have layered on myself to come off and reveal the strong yet gentle me beneath it all.
    Now, I want exactly what I wanted in the beginning….that’s what I really want, Simple non complicated True Pure Love

    • So true isn’t it Barbra?! Weight comes at us in so many forms most of which isn’t physical at all. I believe you will find your unique means to lift from anything you feel pulling you back. I believe there is that love you speak of out there for each of us in forms we cannot even imagine. Love and light to you XO

  3. What I really want are really good relationships with all (not just a couple) my children… those who have been ripped from my home and life, who have been fed half truths and full-blown lies , who have spoken their version of truth which, in the hands of uninformed and under-informed people, have taken on a life of their own and split our family like a ripe melon– with no foreseeable reconciliation.
    What I want is to be able to want this heaven on earth without having the despair that follows when I feel there is no hope for it to actually happen.

    • So powerful Sara! So many truths are out there aren’t there? One thing I’ve learned is to honor my own, as well as that of others, and to keep creating from the truth I want to see more of in the world. Sending you and your family goodness, kindness, togetherness and wellness XO

  4. Wow!